I've never had a man I enjoyed more than steak
And then he said "good night girls" and kissed each one before I put my shirt back on
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Who shows up to work two weeks ago still drunk and freshly high on blow and gets a promotion and a raise? This girl. Good at business. Super good at being fucked up.
Did we pole dance in front of my boss last night or was it just me?
you know it's been too long when the heat of a pizza box on your lap turns you on.
You cannot meet up with him at the tailgate, his parents are there. What are you going to say "Hi I'm the one who fucks your son, can I get a cheeseburger?"
No seriously, I don't care if you just sucked God's dick. I have had a better Fat Tuesday than you
My drug dealer bought me a book for Christmas. What a gentleman.
This country song on the radio just had a rap break. What. No. Why.
Mischief managed.
YOU ARE NOT A MARAUDER, WHAT THE FUCK DID YOU DO NOW?
Your not drunk until you have to grab on to the grass to keep from falling off the earth.
I got a free corona t-shirt and all I had to do was drink a beer. This needs to be a more widely accepted form of currency.
I'm eating an ice cream cone and pooping. Don't know how I'm gonna wipe.
Randomize
