the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
Pretty sure I saw a dude across the room give this girl the international hand gesture for "I'm going to fist you later", she seemed ok with it.
He was using OnStar to get directions to the bar. I'm pretty sure he'd have gotten her number too if I hadn't disconnected the call.
I forgot my id and a man called soup is buying me vodka.
Hes a nice guy and all but I'm only interested in his drunken alter ego.
I'd like to stay optimistic, but I have this nagging suspicion my penis is in for a disappointing holiday weekend.
Dude, you can't even imagine the trip, I actually thought that there were Care Bears sitting next to me at the bar, I'm pretty sure I started hitting on the pink one.
Yea not today, I ending up taking a shit behind a tree last night.
I love you, but it's "shark week" I'll make it up to you with naked breakfast.
I'm beginning to think that women just have dogs at home as an excuse to leave ASAP after hooking up, without sounding like a typical guy.
Woke up with a squirrel in my bed, how was your night?
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Got so high i fell asleep kyaking...for 2 hours.
its 8 and I'm HUNGOVER!! how is that possible??
I have post one night stand depression
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