U know those big foam mats in the back gym for track?
ya, gonna go have sex there?
No I want one to have wings and pick me up and take me home
He asked for his proof of insurance and he pulled out a Magnum by mistake. All of the sudden gignger was looking real good to me.
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
You left half a beer on someones car and claimed it was a second day of hanakuh gift
he also begged me to fake an orgasm when he couldn't get me to come.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
On another note, why did I wake up wrapped in bubble wrap. I can only assume it was for my own safety
I am tired of banking on my penis size to overcome my lack of game.
I just dropped a paperclip into my cleavage while talking to the company president... That's an awkward moment.
Did you at least offer to let him get it out??
walk of shame. I'm wearing my rain jacket over my dragon costume. My tail keeps dragging in the rain.
Your favorite boobs are sending you seasons greetings
You know it's been a rough week when you funnel beers by yourself.
Everyone else's "needs" are getting in the way of my alcoholism.
We're sitting on the kitchen floor drinking and talking about mounting real light sabers to the dog's head.
Randomize
