Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
he has officially spend more money on me than any other boy. and its all gone to plan b. awesome.
listening to happy ending by mika while imagining him to run after me at an aiport in slow motion... also, dipping oreos in baileys. not taking this breakup well. at. all.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
juast therw a cheeeeesestirng over the fnce. stuckit to sombodys car winheild... gonna luagh if i find it mlted in the mrning.
it wasn't sex so much as.....a disastrously uncomfortable sexual experience
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
We were so drunk that when I broke the bottom off a pint glass we decided to make it into a candle holder. How does that happen?!
Please brint me miilk. I am on the floor but my door is open. Thank you, i appreciate u verry much.
Going to put that on my resume. "Only accidentally snapchatted my titties to all of my friends once."
Just wanted to share my unfortunate vagina news in the hopes that it would make your vagina feel better about itself.
You’re about to have a sober threesome with a rando at a Fenway bar?
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
I dropped my pants and she just stared until she asked how is that even possible? Best night ever lmao
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