Dude, we're at Einstein's Bagels and the dude next to us is spreading cannabutter on his bagel.
i wish there was a photo editing effect that fully opened my drunk eyes
Just got a lapdance on the metro. She said she was on maternity leave and needed the practice.
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i think he just broke into a bike shop his last text said something about hiding in some tree
i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
Fuck a-yeah! I just found a wine key. Let 'Don't Fuck With Me Friday' commence.
My parents called me out on catching us walking home from the bar in a swimming motion because "it was too windy to walk" home...
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm in the power napping at parties stage of my life
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
I had a spiritual reading tonight and my dead grandmother called me a whore.
I made it to work. Still drunk. Definitely pregnant.
like, you weren't just lying there, you were wrapped in what appeared to be the skin of a wolf, chanting doomsday prophecies
THE END IS NEIGH
Ever since I got to LA my dream self has been having sex with way too many rabbi's.
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