GO HOME AND LIKE EVERYTHING ON COLT'S FACEBOOK UNTIL 2007.
Wtf it's a Friday night?
PRIORITIZE.
Did I get blown in the bathroom? Yes. Did she throw up cranberry juice on my shorts? Yes. Did she finish the job? Yes.
There was jim beam in your oven. I just preheated it.
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
Just made everyone at my party download the vuvuzela app for iPhone, the neighbors absolutely HATE us
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
Just high watching the holiday fireplace channel. My space heater lends authenticity to the fire experience. Come over.
She sat next to me on the couch and said "word going around is you got a sweet cock". My nickname problem was solved!
Yet he continued to eat cereal out of the glove compartment in my car.
YOU BETTER NOT BE SHAVING YOUR LEGS RIGHT NOW IM TRYING TO HELP YOU
Possibly threw up in my purse last night. Still suspicious of of all actions
purchased gas station taquitos and condoms at 4 this morning. It has been magical..
FUCK the WHO, FUCK cancer, I'm gonna eat fucking bacon.
The more time I spend surrounded by Mormons, the more I miss alcohol.
Randomize
