I wish you wouldn't refer to your breast milk as "ammunition"
Ps if we're still living vicariously through each other, you had sex on a beach last night
i dont think duct tape can fix my g spot
lets call myth busters
It's a Lindsey's Going to Jail Theme party.
Just a heads up, i'm sleeping in te back seat of your car so don't be freaked out when you see me in the A.M.
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
Honestly the war on drugs is dumb and you can just sleep in my bed which is mega comfortable anytime you want. There I said it
I just found out that I slept with Kate Gosselin's publicist back in June . Brb I have to wash myself endlessly.
We need to get you laid. Or i fear you might explode like a firework of sexual innuendos and unfulfilled erotic fantasies.
cops woke me up on the sidewalk and asked where my shoes are.. fuck if i know, im sleeping on the sidewalk! actually i didnt say that, i just cried until they gave me a ride home.
Send me a pic of your kids to remind me why I have morals.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
She told him that she never wanted to see him again then took his takeout box of bacon cheddar fries and got in the uber saying "for feminism"
I was like sure, i'll have a drink or two to end the night early. Next thing i know theres a ton of dudes in my house and like 3 gallons of wine. I cant do anything in moderation.
She sent a group text pic called "Assemble" of his dick next to her forearm.
I'm down.
Randomize
