I took a picture of his ID so i could remember how to spell his last name and facebook stalk him later...I think he saw me do it
We found them in a dumpster making out trying to get their privacy
Should I feel bad that my boyfriend pays for my birth control and his friends get to reap the benefits?
Apparently she got a minor consumption for using vodka soak tapmons
Does that work!! Please say yes
he just sent me a picture of his penis sticking through a piece of paper that he had drawn a stick figure with tits on it that said "you"
The things i do for you...I put all those condoms on a bed, complete with girl, and you sleep in the bathroom
Do you miss the park or do you miss us having sex in public?
It's because of weed that I don't mind driving an hour to visit my family. And it's because of you that there's weed in my life. Thank you.
Nothing quite like walking through a spider web on your way back in from smoking to fuck up a perfectly good high.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
Oh, btw, UPS might come by. Drunk me ordered us $75 worth of gummy airhead starburst type candies. Whatever it is, it'll be delicious.
He totally fucked me in his Chewbacca socks
Sitting in my junior high parking lot high on ambien talking to a stranger I met on tinder. What is life?
NOT PREGNANT HIGH FIVE!
Randomize
