Just found a glow stick inside of my vagina..
With the amount of traffic your vagina gets, it was only a matter of time before someone threw a rave there.
Who is John, and why is his named carved into our toilet?
I am about to be in my happy place. (the shower with a 6 pack)
I got a 69.7 in accounting. I have this whole doing the bare minimum down to a science
she says she's going to shake me awake in 15min intervals if I pass out
this was your mom?
I would take a bullet for Beyonce's baby
Bake him heart shaped cookies?!? Send him a picture of your tits like an ADULT!
Just got into a fight with a trashcan, today is obviously not going to be my day.
The walk home lasted longer than the sex. He lives in the flat above the bar.
Why does 2015 have to start with so many regrets?
I never realized how you can accidentally go home with someone until tequila got involved.
Those thigh tattoos deserve the handsomest of grins between them. Dont settle.
I'm just too horny to handle empty house
That has got to be a joke. No human eats that much grass and lives to tell the tale.
I just thought I should tell you that I always know what you are doing. Everywhere. Every time. -Your loving Mother
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