Rock
Scissors
Fuck
i just had sex bonerless
Just got to costco. Where are you?
Liquor aisle, bring another cart.
dude ... she has a full length mirror in her shower, don't even tell me shes not dtf
I feel like he knows I had a dream about him eating me out in the janitors closet at the holiday party. He's giving me THAT look.
Just when I think I'm the one with the problem, I get home for the holidays and the family shows me what alcoholism is really about
Let's turn this shoulder dislocation into a positive. Come to the hospital, bring some beers, let's party.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Can we promise no matter what that we have sex the night the Mayan calendar runs out?
I have to answer enough questions about you, I don't need your uterus tossed in the conversation.
Wat day did I have sex in my sleep? I just made a Dr appt for Friday and I want to talk to her about it
If I am telling you about the details of the shits I take I probably don't want to have sex with you. Probably.
It was the easiest thing I've ever done. 3am she walked into my room, saw my Buffalo Bills blanket, said go bills and got naked.
I'm at home 4 xanax deep watching She's all that.. no I don't want to go out. The couch is eating me.
Puked up breakfast after doing my first minze shot in a while, but that shot was to Trump losing the election, so it's all good.
Randomize
