I woke up naked this morning and I found out that I thought I was Adam last night and Eve was my wife so I ran naked saying I was in the Garden of Eden and I could shit wherever I wanted.....too bad the garden was in my friends apt.......I spent the morning cleaning and have reached a new low
so let's talk penis.
he just booty called me in advance instead of waiting til 3 am when hes trashed. i think thats really considerate and gentlemanlike.
My drug dealer is spending the weekend in my studio apartment. I feel like I've crossed a line that should never be crossed.
so I'm in athletic shorts, a suit jacket and I'm still drunk at 6:30am at the last leg of relay for life
They need a stunt cock, be about 20 more minutes.
I didn't think it was possible, but that girl next door is even louder when drunk.
It's not that drunk me is smarter; it's that sober me is secretly playing for the other team.
My fingers feel amazing. Their going like 100 MPH!!
HOLY SHIT. SHIT THAT IS HOLY. HOLY OF THE SHIT.
He asked me to hum the Ghost Busters theme song as I was going down on him
I woke up in a tow truck cuddling plan b. Can you pick me up?
I have just been informed that my company has ray guns. I WORK FOR ACTUAL BOND VILLAINS. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
CAPS.LOCK.AND.SPACEBAR.ARE.BROKEN.
CTFD. There’s plenty of dick in the sea! This is Vegas, we import dick. \nWorst case scenario we get a rental penis
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