I've officially decided that whoever created hate sex should be on my christmas card list.
this kid woke up on our hotel floor and doesnt know how he got here
on my way back.. me and that kid will be great friends
We were fucking on his hammock and right as he came we flipped over. I landed on him, he landed on a pile of pinecones. We're done with nature sex.
We could be the people that go there! Shuffleboard n shit. Meet strippers.
You had me at shuffleboard and strippers
Well. I have your keys. You have my car. Looks like we have a drunkxican standoff.
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
HE GAVE ME ONE OF HIS BEERS.
YOU'RE THE CHOSEN ONE.
Apparently my Ambien addled brain last night actually did decide to go ahead and photoshop you into various animal and human molesting scenarios. That's a hell of a thing to wake up to.
How did you get him out of the shower last time?
Order Taco Bell and leave a trail of burritos leading to his bed.
YOU DESERVE A GUY WITH A NORMAL DICK DONT SETTLE FOR ANYTHING LESS
I just swallowed confetti and motor-boated some guys beard...#happy2015
I woke up with a black eye and a buttplug...not sure I really want to know what happened.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
someone just "made it rain" kraft processed sliced cheese. i forgot what it was like to be home...
Anyway, that's been my evening- crying and looking up diabetes symptoms. How was your night?
Randomize
