I just rolled a spliff on a dora the explorer tv tray. Preschool education meet afterschool special.
he broke up with her mid blow job, and somehow convinced her to finish. I want his life
admittedly, it's a little weird getting relationship advice from the mother of a former one night stand. but she's a wise lady and she buys me drinks, so i'm ok with it.
It's like being the highest you've ever been, then doing about 20 shots, and chasing them with lines of coke. All while laying on the surface of the sun.
It was either the harsh truths I was divulging or the liquor..... But either way, I made mom puke
Should I tell this TSA agent his fly is down while he is trying to hit on this chick?
I guess I look like the kind of girl who would buy edible, weed-infused lube.
Well you were already wet from trying to drink straight from the faucet, so I just put you in the bathtub with a pillow and called it a night
It was good. Ended up having a 3 hr make out session with her
What is this high school
There was a lot of catching up to do bro
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
someone stole all your weed so you told us you were planning each of our deaths
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
There is a woman in the stall next to me giving a pep talk to her daughter that wants to call off her wedding. I'm afraid to pee!
Randomize
