you have to give me like a days notice for these kinds of things, you cant just call at 9 am and expect me to be sober
I queefed so loud it echoed.
the last thing i remember is inserting the sippy stray into the jack daniel's.
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
You know why nobody comes up with Sober October? Other than it's Oktoberfest? Because Sober October doesn't benefit anyone, just like your judgment isn't benefiting me. I'll talk to you in November. Unless you make up another alcoholless month.
Don't pretend like we're functional. We're gonna discuss this drunkenly via text the way serious conversations should take place.
Update- I sold my hat to some drunk kid for 50 bucks. I used my earnings to buy beer on the way home. I realize to everyone else seeing me drinking on my balcony at 6am, I look like an alcoholic, but I'm thinking of it as a night cap
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
Did we do anything stupid last night besides hook up with our ex girlfriends?
doing the walk of shame back to your house in nothing but a bed sheet was definitely not one of my proudest moments..
My disapointment is making my balls hurt :(
This guy wants me to put ice under his foreskin. What!?
my boobs just made me lose a game of beer pong. the balls hit them, bounced off and into the cup. twice. ive never been so disappointed in them.
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
