Cause i'm hanging over the toilet bowl and thinking about your ball in my mouth is not helping
Eating a muffin with a knife and fork. Hangovers have hit a new low.
come parachute off the vicodin airplane with meee
Drunk enough that you donated $50 to taco bell, because they serve a great purpose.
why is there blood on my car? and are we still friends?
Goddamnit Shari. He's not called Pencil Dick because he's good a sketching...
I solemnly swear I will not get your boyfriend puke in public drunk again
I try not to flex my sex appeal too much around the engineers, it's like feeding bears...always ends in disaster.
They both showed up at the same time... to surprise me. One had flowers and the other had chocolates. Needless to say, I will be at the bar all weekend long trying to figure out how this happens.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
I have 2 phone numbers written on my vagina. I told you I shouldnt be left to my own devices after tequila shots.
I just threw up in the bushes and my gardener started clapping...
He's making me do the dishes for the next month and half because I shit in the bath tub...
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Grandma said I got a good handjob. I think she meant manicure.
Randomize
