My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
He said they were doing a skit in class apparently someone else is dressed like a horse. Ive never felt more proned to skipping class than now
I feel like a great embryo-shaped weight has been lifted off my shoulders.
You kept trying to hail an ambulance
How many vodka infused gummi bears count as 1 drink?
Either way, we will celebrate half Christmas the only way we can. Completely and irresponsibly wasted.
But here's the wonderful thing about us. It's us. You could invite me over, get really wasted and end up sleeping with someone else and id be there in the morning to take you to breakfast.
Licking pop rocks off a stranger's washboard abs and kissing strangers young enough to be my kid. Yeah, it was THAT kind of party last night
As a Chick-Fil-A employee, I think you'd appreciate the visual of me almost accidentally pulling out my wallet with a thong hooked on it as I payed for my waffle fries just now.
I'll be in SoCal at my bachelorette party, aka embracing a fireman covered in KY and chocolate shavings.
Stop touching yourself.
Wtf!?!?!?! Did you install a camera???
How do you explain to your kids that you met their mother well you were giving her a gynecological exam??
She's walking down the sidewalk with a notebook, a pencil, and a box of cheez its while yelling profanities at small animals.... I'm going 2 ask her where she was before this.
who gets drunk at chipotle by noon and then gets kicked out? this chick.
Like if I exploded right now there would be cum and fajitas everywhere.
Randomize
