My brain says no but my pants say off.
I printed and framed a picture of a seagull shitting, and hung it in my house. I'm waiting to see how long it takes everyone to notice.
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I knew I shouldn't have slept with her...my dick looks like a stegosaurus tail
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Ever since they found the bud they've been sending me visa gift cards instead of cash. Bastards.
Relationship's official after skype sex--college kid at his finest.
Don't worry, nothing happened....but we should have a fire extinguisher here.
3 girls crying in the bathroom at the bar. Its like a Christmas song
I was just about to send a concerned text until I opened my door and saw a shopping cart. I'm glad you made it home in one piece and with toys.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
She barfed in the corner of the baby pool. Then she yelled "it's okay" repeatedly while trying to scoop it out.
I have your car and your sandals. My shoes are somewhere under the puke couch. Safari time.
The lady at target couldn't scan my grocery item and just looked at me and said "just take it. I hate this fucking place". Best munchie adventure yet.
I've had to take two showers today and it's not even 1 o'clock. Why won't this weekend wash off?
One day no one will want to send me dick pics so by all means keep 'em coming
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
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