In retrospect, it was a terrible idea, going down on her with these ulcers in my mouth.
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
I walked outside out to find her peeing in her toga with a cigar in one hand and her thong in the other
So apparently when I was 2, I went around drinking everybody's beer at some wedding, then passed out in a corner....
This explains a lot.
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
so the x-ray technician didnt buy my story of falling off a curb. she said a fall of that height couldnt snap the bone that way. bitch called me a drunken idiot too. if she wasnt so hot i'd be angry
like seriously. this whole place is the shit. like i can move clouds. no other way to explain it but i can fucking move clouds.
People around me are just doing lines of cocaine. Like its no big deal. And I'm just here like.... Y'all want some cheezits?
Jusy read on a science page that squeezing boobs can prevent cancer cells from forming in them, youre welcome.
It was a great idea until we got stuck in a ditch. We had to call redneck cousin 1
Like these jerks could have told me it wasn't a video call, I wouldn't have put on pants.
So you completely disappeared from my memory last night at about my 15th Jager bomb. But only you. No one else.
He was like "why do you look so cute today?" and I said "I showered" and he laughed. I wasn't making a joke
It started with drunk jenga and ended with me simultaneously peeing and puking on his feet in the tub while he held me up. I met Tequila. I don't like her.
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