he only lasted three minutes, so to spite him i stayed the night and slept in.
escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
We put her face under a blacklight.....it looked like fireworks
When we made out her lip\nose ring fell out in my mouth. Awkward?
Spotted at kelly concert- 10 year old in a homemade "I do not hook up" t shirt. Well I should certainly hope not, sweetheart.
nothing like celebrating the fact that you're not a father by trying to impregnate other women
Some random slut told me I was a good dancer then gave me a handjob. I felt like fucking John Travolta.
Correct me if I'm wrong here... but did we serenade each others breasts to "winds of change" last night?
im tired of her bring homeless men home when shes drunk. THEY ARE NOT FUCKING PETS!!!!
New carpet is nice. I'm making carpet angels. Like a fresh snowfall.
He just walked up to me in the kitchen, pulled out his penis and stuck it in my sweatpants pocket.
It was probably cold. Sweatpants pockets are notoriously warm.
We were sitting in a hot tub debating how drunk we could get by osmosis if we kept spilling our drinks in it. This is what engineering college does to you.
Her ex wouldn't stop texting her so she started replying with various pictures of Britney spears's breakdown
My Dicks been hard all day. Poor guy isn't used to vacation being over
Stop inviting Kevin over. The dickless wonder started playing some strange Sci-FY music and speaking an alien language and the girls split.
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