but i really can't criticize. i blacked out waaaaaay ahead of schedule.
In hindsight maybe we should have moved his homework instead of playing quarters on top of it.
Watching Blossom reruns on YouTube. Eating Pringles dipped in hot chocolate. Not taking this breakup well.
You kept screaming "Its taco night!" before every shot
Its what jesus would do if there were bud light in his time. I feel obligated.
She said I told her "I'm to drunk to take your bra off." then she said I walked out completely naked to go watch tv.
Dad just showed up on someone else's golf cart, filled an ice chest with booze and left while yelling "SHINANIGANS!!!!" this is going no where fast.
It's all coming back to me. I drank moonshine from a milk carton from a guy named tomohawk last night.
I'm starting to think I didn't bring enough liquor for this family Christmas.
It's 2 pm....
She was horrified when I asked if they had any strap on chin dildos, I was at a sex shop for gods sake must I be judged everywhere
My gut is currently telling me that Jesus did not intend for us to eat shrimp pad thai on Easter
Is this a considering it or regretting it text?
I just shit out what feels like an entire shrimp with claws and all. You tell me.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I am literally watching TV with sunglasses on because the brightness hurts my hangover
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
A reply to my tweet is getting more likes than mine, the disrespect is real
Randomize
