Will you take my knitting needle, stick it far up my nose, reach in my frontal lobe and give it a few swirls?
I thought I was at a rave until the paramedics started chasing me. You win again tequila.
white trash bash was a total success...cops shut it down twice and her hair stayed in rollers all night..she never broke character
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
We had a long talk in which he told me he respects me more than any other girl. 30 minutes later, I got a facial.
I wonder if you can snort coke upside down
I didn't know how to tell her I was too busy getting stoned and making a baked potato to meet up and finish our group project.
My afternoon will now be spent googling genital warts. I think my life is over.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
his face was nice enough, but his choice of footwear screamed columbian drug lord
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
It was a fun night. I made out with the door guy at the gay bar but he didn't speak english
There was no door guy at the bar
I’ll always remember that day you sent me that random nude on accident lmao changed my life
Neighbor just came over and asked if I had anything to clean blood out of carpet... it's definitely time to move.
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