dude. I'm so drunk.
pete, this is bryce's mom
I can't wait to have my cock in your ass
pete, this is still bryce's mom
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
you were so drunk when the pizza guy got there you told him that you didn't have any money and would trade him the pizza for 3 Porno movies and he totally did it. I may never have to pay for pizza again
i don't know where i am. i made bad decisions. i think this guy is dead.
apparently the bartender would rather give me free shots than tell me that my whole nipple piercing was hanging out
Obviously you've never slept with someone who was deliverance level inbred.
Invited the whole bar back to my place for an after party.....shit got real with everyone seeing dad drink moonshine like a champ.
My therapist keeps stopping to ask what 'hooking up' means
ITS ORAL SEX CAROL
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
I'm eating taquitos in the bathtub at 5:30 am. What a great end to the night
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
we got cupcakes after we fucked. gives a whole new meaning to sugar daddy
Not only did I get the promotion, but last night after sex he took me outside and let me hold it for him while he peed in the snow. I made a heart. This week is going amazing
Maybe those shots of hot dog water wasn’t a good idea after killing a fifth of tequila.. but who’s askin
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