Oh fyi, I gave your card to a homeless guy last night and told him you were the world's hottest blonde girl who only likes black men...Sorry
I went to moterboat her and I started laughing, so I just kinda blew on them... I think I'm gona call that move the sailboat.
I hope the prosecutor is a dude cause my lawyer is hot.
Any questions about why there was a scuba tank chilling in the hot tub this morning?
And he tried to make it as casual as possible by asking where i was going on vacation while he was poundin me.
After we fucked, her eye wouldn't stopped twitching and she could only move her hand, which she used to put her number in my phone
I just reenacted what a cuntadactyl would act like by putting straws in my mouth as teeth and roaring, Plz come get me.
friends don't put videos of other friends on youtube puking on their professor on the first day
Neighbor who got arrested at 3am just said he'd split the $ with me if I testify as the witness in his police brutality trial. He was also holding a baby and a case of beer.
I can't in good conscience help you bag a Catholic girl who isn't at least a 7.
IT'S SUMMA TIME
ITS SUMMA TIME NOT BE HIGH ALL THE TIME TIME
THEY'RE THE SAME THING
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
She's going to hate me
Yeah well one of her many personalities always hates you.
The rest will just start to agree
I had a dream he was standing in front of me naked and flexing while yelling VICTORY and gizzing all over the floor.
I just want somebody who'll randomly bring me pizza and lovingly squeeze my butt. Is there a dating app for that, do you think?
Randomize
