can you blame him?
i blame him for everything, HE GOT ME PREGNANT
He came in both my eyes, then refused to give me a towel unless I found him by playing Marco Polo
I found ecstasy taped in my armpit... thank you drunk Marissa.
By the power invested in me, I now pronounce your taco to be meaty. Meaty taco meaty taco meaty meaty meaty taco.
he wouldn't lick chocolate syrup off of me because he's vegan. most awkward shower ever.
"Clean/organize my room day" turned into "Blast my old Jock Jams cds while getting high as fuck with a strobe light day"
That does it. We're drinking til we're pirates.
Mother fucker, I knew it was bad when you tried making out with my car window
Please tell me how I go from a guy with a coke problem to a cop. My own life doesn't even make sense to me anymore
The only thing that got rode last night was the shit face train. I brought him home to see wht all the hype was about and he just started crying and puking in my bathroom.
You should frame my arrest warrant.
I've seen too many dicks in the past week. I can't do it anymore.
I wonder whether Megan will forgive me if i have phone sex in her attic
She couldn't find her toothbrush so I had to wait while she sucked on the 12 peppermints she found under the couch. Pretty resourceful for her level of intoxication.
Did u puke in a church parking lot? And go to the wrong funeral yesterday? Lol
Randomize
