and I asked her"are you allergic to condoms latex like your older sister " she said "Idk this is gonna be my 1time"
im sleeping in a hamic at a mansion. best hangover ever
I just hotboxed my laundry basket.
The first thing they saw when they walked in was all four of our std test's hangin on the fridge....i'd be worried if they didn't think we were sluts
Even my psychiatrist thinks I should fuck the married guy.
Turns out that my surprise "happy birthday" drop-in for my dad turned into a "my parents like afternoon sex a lot" realization.
When you give the bridesmaid toast someday at my wedding I need you to quote Ricky Bobby in some form. And slip in your sister has the vagina of awesomeness. That is all.
My brother didnt wanna sleep with her because she was my friend. Did I miss the memo where we're not supposed to be fucking each others friends? Oh well too late.
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
He told me I have nice nipples. You can't just tell someone that and then leave the state!
Just met my French neighbor. We watched a crow die together, so we're pretty tight.
Tony's mom to him at breakfast: "I found the shirt you wore last night in the bushes this morning."
It's almost like sex was the ice breaker and now we're sociable at the gym
He told me that losing me was the biggest mistake of his life. Of course it was. My tits are incredible and I know more about college football than he does.
We got high, had sex, and watched retro scooby doo shows. Best friends with benefits yet.
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