If you borrow your friends real doll, should you wear a condom?
he was wearing 3D glasses the whole time.
im pretty sure every drug dealer is going to be able to retire the day after alice in wonderland comes out
In my junk email folder, there are literally 67 messages from Alcoholics Anonymous. What..the fuck.
Although I love the reason it was done, can you maybe not show pictures of my dick to all your friends at parties? I like to present my penis in my own special way. thanks
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Btw, if I didn't have 3 limbs in restraints and my free hand offing myself with the pocket rocket, I would have snap chatted you. Next time.
At this point all my Tinder matches are telling me I'll be fucking the whole male population of UMass '17.
After sending me a dick pic, he asked, "yay or nay?"
My Captain America poster fell down. Cap is disappointed in my life decisions.
I'm still a bit day drunk and decided to go for a run. You may get a snapchat of me vomiting soon
One door closes, one man cooks for you through the next open door
My ex-wife, who I haven't heard from since the divorce, just Amazoned me cherry flavored massage oil and a rainbow caps with the message "Happy Pride". What's the polite response?
momentary stint on a second floor library computer...guy next to me snorted blue adderall off his notebook through a cut straw, i cant tell if this guy is my hero or just plain crazy...
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