I don't smoke a lot but now and then I do. Weed and I are like still standing naked in a bathroom together deciding if we should blow one another or bolt for the exit. An awkward relationship.
just saw a guy throwing up in the urinal at Dennys. Either he had one hell of last night or we are going to eat somewhere else
My sister got her picture in the pub crawl section of the paper today and my dad said to me "why can't you be more like her?"
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
And by "got a tattoo" i mean i got a tattoo in the dorm bathrooms with a guy using his cousin's tattoo gun.
God damn. I'm really starting to resent babies. They're everywhere. Like fucking land mines.
I still can't believe he came down from his hiding place in the tree voluntarily because he didn't want us to have to talk to the cops alone...
Tim and I found you a 5ish and asked how you were doing with the breakup. All you said was "i can't words"
Note to self...boner negates all verbal agreements ...got it
I woke up with a massive hangover and realized I still had an entire bottle of tequila in my car...so yeah, working on tomorrow's hangover.
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Puking in the Ritz Carlton bathroom was actually kind of a nice experience
I shaved an Xmas tree into my junk.... I placed your present underneath.
Apparently I told him the people made me order taco bell I didn't even want it. And then proceeded to turn off all the lights and sit at the kitchen table in the dark and told him not to look at me.
Randomize
