i just kept saying he was red & i was blue and we couldnt become purple. I started crying at one point
Depending upon how the Sox game progresses, I'll either cry on the bar or fuck someone tonight...
Make this decision based on your love for dick - NOT based on the fact that its probably one of the worst things you've ever thought of doing
I couldn't tell you were laughing too hard
Dude I thought I set my hair on fire. I wasn't laughing I was screaming.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I know you're asleep, but I just had a motherfucking epiphany.
If you really loved me, you'd support my weed habit.
As the person who squeezed you out of my vagina, the answer is no.
Oh and apparently something happened that was related to "THIS IS SPARTA" but no one will tell me what I did.
So I'm going to blame my boobs hurting on that.
I saw the attitude and didn't even try. Line of the night from one guy who talked with them for a while said, "I don't meet you standards. I have a job and would treat you well." She was blank faced.
Watching the Walking Dead, snuggled up naked, and drinking a beer. No better way.
If ever there was a tweet to describe your life, it's this.
I think I'm destined to be the stoner version of one of those successful but emotionally unavailable characters Sandra Bullock always plays in movies
I woke up to half of the whiskey bottle gone, and apparently I showered in my clothes. Pretty good start to SB2015 I'd say?
Well I'm a full service fuck buddy so lemme know if I can get you food or water or anything
Dude I used amphetamines responsibly today though. I snorted one in the am for work and then chewed one in the pm for other work. I'm an adult.
I went to my AA meeting last night. My drug dealer is now my counselor.
Randomize
