somehow in between the body shots the bong hits and trying to convince the 7-11 lady to let me fill up my vodka bottle with cherry slurpee. i misplaced my car.
The world would be so much better with thought bubbles.
he just fed my chickens on farmville...i guess that's his way of saying thanks for the sex<3
Another Sunday, another 100 chicken nuggets
No, but I woke up here and my pockets are full of raisins. Like 6 different pockets.
Remember when I got my car stuck in my backyard?
He is stood at the top of the stairs nursing the stolen cat
Just at the gym drinking. We call it treadmillcolada
I don't understand why she gets annoyed by my drunk texts. It means she's who I'm thinking about even when my brain isn't functioning properly.
We have a nice shopping list..vibrators and roller blades
Priorities
well don't blame me. sometimes vibrators go missing and people get angry. these things happen
There's not really an emoticon that says "I'm sorry I honked your boobs, and that you weren't a fan of that."
Question: When you have the names of 4 guys tattoo'd on you, how do you make the 5th one real special?
Who wants to play the "pick up your shit from our floor because you're not paying rent or dating either of us" game?
I know we're not on great terms here, but I need to know if you're still available for sexual activity...cause if not I need to get going on a work-out plan.
Randomize
