I would do horrible things to your vagina.
Prove it.
I may have a concussion but the symptoms are the same as a hangover so I can't tell. Best 21st ever.
She told me she was selfish for not giving me a blowjob... I couldn't agree more.
He just reenacted his orgasm in front of my roommates....using a squeeze bottle of mayonnaise.
the moment we started interpretive dancing last night wouldve been a good time to stop drinking.
broke the door off of my fridge tryin to have a indoor rodeo
I vaguely remember having a cowboy explain his belt buckle to me in the bathroom hallway
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
lost her for two hours. she was banging a russian guy in her car in the parking lot. he told her she was majestic.
The other day I was really high and I felt like my words were coming out of my mouth in flowers...I don't know.
that's the first time I've heard "shenanigans" and "apocalypse" in the same sentence
Shit on my own feet while puking from my hangover. Is this what 33 is supposed to be like?
I wanna hang out. The cats don't talk back.
College is really paying off. I am gonna be a great teacher. I just made a grading sheet for weed. This shit got an A.
Remember the random guy who licked my face when we were at the bar the other night?
Yeah. His name is Andrew. We just met
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