he told me my hair look so beautiful and as he was stroking it his fingers got caught in my BUMPIT. How are you supposed to explain that one?
He told me they were just razor bumps!
theres gunna be a new season of 16 and pregnant on mtv...WHERE DO THEY KEEP FINDING THESE IGNORANT PREGNANT GIRLS
He yelled "HERE COMES THE WARMTH" before he pissed his pants. In front of the whole party.
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
How much time is enough between masturbating and watching little bear?
There was a guy running for some position in our government named "young boozer" hell yes I voted for him
It was at that moment that I realized I was alone. Alone and drunk on an Epcot ride.
It's the eternal vodka... it never seems to go away
I'm laying here in fetal position. I feel like a traffic cone
The liquor store was handing out free shots of some new expensive vodka, but they caught on the fourth time we came back in different outfits. Politics.
This is final. The chair stays in the bathroom, we are too old to be puking from the floor, grown ups sit in chairs infront of the toilet to puke.
Or grown ups don't drink themselves into vomiting.
I will give you all my nachos to make this happen
I have experienced an excessively hairy ballsack in my mouth...and it was horrifying. I keep feeling it in my mouth now. It's like hairy ball PTSD.
I just set my messenger to Away so I could run downstairs to masturbate. Working from home is the BEST
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