i told my doctor i had 3 partners and one unprotected.. shes a cute little indian lady i couldnt break her heart
chastity bono is officially a man...and has a really hot girlfriend...life doesn't make sense
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
If I'm going to go gay, i'm not going to go for a tiny dick.
Then they all walked away with the drinks I bought them, and the fat one slapped me in the face. I left and my car had been towed. Worst night ever.
She just said, "are my livers going to die?"
hiding in a bush to avoid a seven dollar cab ride. cabby got out a flashlight and looked for us for like an hour. help.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Rolled in at 3:30am from the strip club, with all the screaming I did, Siri doesn't even recognize my voice this morning,
To keep it classy I will take a pregnacy test on Mother's Day
Yes dating, but it seems easier to just live in a perpetual state of Netflix, internet porn, and cheese.
Simultaneously sexting while making brunch plans. Multitasking at its gayest.
I described my life as a 7 layer cake of death
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Didn't think I'd be dancing with the Power Rangers but here I am
Randomize
