Btw the nut in my hair goes great with my outfit !!! :(
Hes far too high and trying to explain daylight savings time to me. Help?
Would the plural word for douche be deese? "Look at these deese bags"?
Are you high?
they shut off the water. shaving my legs with soda. that desperate.
I was desperate so I downed my birth control with balsamic vinaigrette...
i just successfully used the word "hymen" in a paper...welcome to senior seminar in lit.
...She just said, "We've been blessed with good drugs lately."
its so hard to text. the buttons are tickling my fingers
The bosnian sent me a sext with his dick next to a comcast remote. It went up to the "stop" button. Ironic and appropriate. Grab your remote and imagine it.
You've ruined television for me.
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
I like to balance the number of cups of coffee to bong rips in the morning before work.
There's a chance I told a cop that I was ready for him to strip I may have even taken some ones out of my purse and stuck them in his holster
just woke up. hair smells like weed and bbq. shins are bruised. vague memory of us chasing deer at the park at 3 am. fill me in on what exactly happened.
He just compared our sex to a grand slam on Wii fitness
You're doing it right
I'm praying to the gods of sex we both get laid this weekend. Amen. Love you
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