ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
There's a woman here that looks like a cross between Michael Jackson and Flipper.
I get a nice feeling when i open my fridge and see it filled with thirty beers and half a leftover jimmy johns pickle.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I woke up to him climbing naked through my bedroom window with a bottle of jd in his hand. Of course I had sex with him.
remember the used condom we threw behind my bed? my mom found it and is accusing me and making a big deal out of it,
Haha! You pissed me off, so I actually told her to go look behind your bed. Good thing I moved to Nevada, so your dad can't kick my ass. Good luck bitch.
Today I met the neighbor that shares my bedroom wall. When I pointed out my unit, he said, "Oh, that's you? Oh... that's you." I didn't think much of it until I was in bed tonight and I heard him clear his throat. He's. Heard. Everything.
constantly striving to make life awkward and more complicated, one drunk bone at a time.
Ran into him again last night, stole his glowstick and walked away. The glowstick mountain in my room keeps growing.
Let's get a hotel room this time. I really don't want to sleep in a Dennys parking lot again.
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
she told him my safe word. I'm gonna casually work it into conversation and at him suggestively to see if he realizes i want to have rough sex with him
Rough birthday weekend. Eating McDonalds in the shower and used a fifth of sky as a pillow last night
Stacy lit a fart and burn half of the couch down before we can put the Flames out. Bring your truck.
Randomize
