this guy showed up at my house asking for his sword and cape. something tells me i shouldn't drink that much again.
I just punched cris angel in the balls. I have photos.
getting caught by my parents in bed with another guy was way easier coming out than telling them over dinner like I had planned.
Want to come to my BBQ and Blow party?
Well you broke that rule when you put it in your mouth.
The girls at the police department photocopied my drinking ticket and told me to frame it and hang it on my wall. Then they gave me a free muffin and told me to party smarter next time.
His balls looked like two miss shaped chicken nuggets
Well for starters, her tits were hairy.
I don't always steal things but when i do it is a six foot five dos equis guy
I found a half-finished mass text from my California weekend that said "things I want to rape: you, things, stuff, and le"
Haha. I have resting bitch face. He has I want y'all to die face. It's a subtle difference
How have you never felt a dick as hard as mine?
You coming to give me head and eat tacos?
He caught me shoving meatballs into my mouth using my hand. Fuck utensils. It’s Christmas...and this is why I’m single.
They are good meatballs.
We had everything under control until this one jackass fucked up. Thanks, Peter.
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