Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
there's no toilet paper. I'm using wheat bread.
Heading to the gym, the one that guy said he goes to. Already checked online, his class is at 5. And no, this isn't too much after meeting him last night. Stop judging me,
Just don't let me fall on anything that can be broken. Unless its a dick
We call it "Dishes: Hard Mode". Basically whoever is doing dishes gets head but needs to finish the dishes before they cum.
And so far nothing been broken!
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
That's the last time I send a mass text invitation to smoke a blunt
It takes a special kind of Adderall to make me go to the hardware store, buy paint, and paint tiny polka-dots on all four of my bedroom walls.
Idk how much vodka is on these pants but I'm gonna wear them anyway: the biopic
listen I will take literally anything I can get my tiny gay fingers on
He literally ejaculated and I hit Uber
This girl was in the river screaming that someone didn't love her anymore...that's when the guy in a kilt claimed her...
Nah leave him alone, he is at the strip club with his mom.
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