Dude, she's so old there's a chalk outline where her reproductive organs used to be.
we talked about european history as he fucked me from behind in the shower... i think it was a success
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
Just ducktaped my beer to my bike. See you in ten.
If I squint, he looks like Jude Law. But that's kind of a weird face to make during sex.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
Dude, this is like the 4th time today I've had to use cruise control for a 25mph zone. This hangover is never fucking gonna end.
We hit a golf ball off Brady's ass. His dignity flew away into the night.
his basement wasnt heated so when i asked for a hoodie someone gave me a kimono.. i passed bc who the fuck knows where that shit has been recently
And then she sprinted three blocks through live traffic towards McDonalds screaming "THE GOLDEN ARCHES ARE CALLING ME"
i want to shrink myself down to penis size, climb inside of her pussy and just live there for a few months.
I tried sex in a car once. It was like trying to do yoga in a drainage pipe with your arms and legs tied while using a typewriter with your penis.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
He and his ex stood there talking about going to get Chinese food while I was half naked searching for my panties
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