I'm in love with you.
huh?
Don't be nervous. I'm just saying - if you had a dick, I'd suck it.
I think condoms have that nasty latex smell to remind you in the morning of how gross you are.
Literally 6000 elephants in my backyard.
Did we have sex last night or did we just wake up naked covered in oil?
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
In the middle of the State of the Union, she unzipped my pants and started giving me head. I've never been so proud to be an American.
I was just crying my tits off and he was just sitting there listening. I was an open book of embarrassing life stories.
Wine is not your friend.
We had a pillow fight. It looks like an angel exploded here. A DRUNK ALCOHOLIC ANGEL
Germany has fetish clubs for everything. We are going to Germany. Germany is our friend.
I spent the entire night stroking his hair. He was cool with it. Never thought a ginger stoner would help me work through my social anxiety but here we are.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
Somehow I became in charge of getting my mother laid? This can't be my life? Lol
Hello my rib-scented angel!
I'm just imagining Oprah like "you're popping a boner, and you're popping a boner...EVERYONE IS POPPING A BONER"
Hey, thanks for helping me this morning
Always a pleasure to feed you bread as your body lay crumpled on the floor.
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