STUCK IN CAPS. WANA GET AFTER IT TOMORROW?
I just saw a neon sign in a bar window that says, "open to Public" but the L is burnt out.
My own vomit just splashed me in the face. How's your day going
Most likely. calling 911 isnt usually something i do the first time i hang out w. someone, but hey. its a good story now.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
So my nipple piercings were only $20 because it's breast cancer awareness month. Fuck yes!
The wizard has you scheduled for a 6am sex breakfast
I'm so there
Jesus, you make out with one twin then sleep with the other and suddenly they don't want to play soccer with you... Men can be so sensitive...
Nothing makes me prouder to be liberal and socialist than the idea of desecrating the memory of Ronald Reagan
dave might be using McDoubles to pay for dances
he has gotten at least 7 lap dances out back
Now I have to go back and sober fuck him. For science.
I thought I needed to get laid. Turns out I just needed pasta.
I have filthy fantasies involving his tongue. My vagina almost exploded while he was licking that ice cream cone.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
Randomize
