hey, here's something you don't have worry about since you're a girl: finding crusty cum in your bellybutton.
He keeps saying he loves me and ruining perfectly good conversations.
I'm at the psychiatrist, and this lady is crazy.. she keeps yelling about how her HMO insurance gave her breast cancer? Adderall isn't worth this.
It's a pity Stephen Hawking can't do sarcasm.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
if you're passed out when i get there i get to wear your banana costume and do awful things to you
I'm sorry. We set two Christmas trees on fire. Also the neighbor's yard. Also ours.
Thanks to this cookie, I have now eaten something other than skittles today.
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I don't remember anything past "we have 15 minutes to drink this keg."
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
Life achievement unlocked: I just ate a Slim Jim "Lady and the Tramp" style with a guy in a bar.
I'm sorry but if you can talk well enough to critique his oral game, he clearly needs the pointers.
You really need to not quote Anchorman while I'm giving you a serious blowjob.
holy shit the yoga instructor bought his baby pig to class today
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
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