Dude. Creed is coming in september.
We're no longer friends.
I have new birth control, three bottles of jack, and some coupons for micky d's. You wanna have that sleepover?
he likes to slap my ass alot untill he missed and hit his own balls poor bastard kept on going.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
he payed over $300 just to break into the hotel pool and skinny dip alone for 5 minutes and then peace in a cab. and all he had to say for himself was "gotta go swimming, gotta live life"
where do u find these people!?
I'm wearing a real bra and real shoes. I look like a fucking lady.
It's embarrassing enough people in my life are aware of the ridiculous things that happen to me. I don't think we need to get the whole world involved.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
It is no longer St. Patrick's Day. I should NOT still have green boobs!
The highlight of my night was when you proclaimed that the man standing next to you smelt like grape medicine...
I vote we get high and sneak off to McDonald's to get mcflurries.
YES. ALL MY YES.
My mom is currently drinking alone in our kitchen singing the Dixie Chicks to herself so, hey, alcohol is forever and we should not be shamed for its use.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
They gave my sperm a pep talk after they found out we were trying.to have.a baby.
You just sent a mass text asking if anyone ever drank the blood of a goat in the glorious name of Satan...after that we confiscated any writing utensil
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