Just met a synchronized swimmer, can you imagine the things she could do in the water
Legs for days
Harpoon that
the only time it's appropriate to sing In The Air Tonight by Phils Collins is while sake bombing at Cal Beach
um or while having sex on a train
I have one brief flash of having his dick in my hand. that's all I remember.
just spent all of my last class as a college student, vomiting in the bathroom. its moments like these i will cherish
I apparently tried to stop my spending of money by sealing the top of my wallet with gum
I just hit a new low..poured my beer in an empty coke can so I could drink in walmart.
Also I got A jello shot for $2!!! It's like the forever 21 of bars
well, i woke up this morning to a note i left myself my dry erase board, "dear you: i had sex with someone awful."
Wash that dress asap. You laid down on the kitchen floor and tried to sweep the floor with your body.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
No you don't understand. This tree is really alive. Like in Pocahontas.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
Two things. 1) party at my house this Friday 2) what was the name of the Australian you fucked on the cruise ship?
Stop leaving buckets of wine at my house.
Randomize
