cannot fit in my clothes. too depressed to drink.
if you drink enough to puke, it's like a weight loss plan.
All the good ones are taken. All that's left is the Harry Potter geek or the asshole in the corner. I think I'll settle for Harry Potter.
My mom make sausages for dinner...and all I could think of was your dog's penis..
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
He let me keep his flannel as a "good job" for the great head I gave him.
this isnt the first time ive seen her dressed as abe lincoln
Vaginas creep me out. I'm disgusted by the look of them. I wonder if this is what having an ugly baby is like: you have to take care of it and love it but it just hurts you on the inside to look at it.
we are out of drugs. and patience. please bring former.
Even with having the shower running and music on everyone could hear the alcohol gods making me sacrifice my dignity and meals from the past week.
umm, I just masturbated to old Justin timberlake on MTV jams. in need of dick ASAP
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
I should be trashily making out with an air force cadet in the beach volleyball court by now
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
I deserve a medal for being woke up at 6am on my day off by your mother asking where your brother is
I don't know what else to tell you.. just listen to some taylor swift and you'll know what to do in the morning
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