I farted on Jack's balls last night. He got pissed and walked away cause he knew it was on purpose. I couldn't hold it in anymore.
he held my hand while i was giving him head. freud's gotta be turning over in his grave
We found your brother, passed out, floating in our pool, with a bottle, on a blow up mattress. How did he mange to walk 2 blocks and get into our backyard?
This weekend is gunna be a fucking shitshow. I don't even wanna know how many dicks will end up inside of me
Its gonna be a symphony of fucks
I specifically found a fat girl to lift me up on her shoulders.\n\nIt was glorious.
officially christened the dorm room by sucking my spilled drink off the floor. tastes like homee
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
Promise me you won't have sex in my room
I can't promise you that, but I promise you that I'll try
Might want to in your tub tho. That thing is fucking huge.
He was bigger soft than my ex was hard. A gold medal rebound.
Day 1 of the Fuck Your Ex weekend has been productive. Already boned Steph and we're both still glad we arnt together anymore.
I shouldn't be that hard, but i cant exactly put "a guy to tie me up and fuck me and then brush my hair" in my dating profile
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
Woke up to find that I was cock blocked by no more than three people.
you poured beer in your mouth so you could be a beer pong cup for her to drink out of/make out with
Did it work?
Randomize
