Dude I just heard my boss singing from the bathroom "I love making poop"
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
I'll put it this way. My grandkids felt that fuck.
We left the bar, went to a sex shop, bought penis shotglasses, went back to the bar and insisted that the bartender used them.
we're on our way back. she tried to pants the waiter again.
im hiding in a corner. drunk. with a plate of stolen jello shots. im pretty sure people are looking for me or the jello shots.
I basically get to watch her life fall apart via tumblr updates
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
ok is that genuinely the first four bars of mozart's symphony #40 sharpied onto my arm or
my memory may be fuzzy, but the 20+ naked pictures I sent him were surprising clear
Dude just texted me asking if I could drive 45 mins for a quickie dude use your hand
You must have my penis confused with someone else's...which is disappointing
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
My vagina cried when he left. I think she's about to be at war with my self respect.
I woke up to pee last night, got out of bed and proceeded to stand there because I had no idea where I was. Then, I heard my sexy as fuck personal trainers voice. Well-played blacked out me.
Randomize
