Her underwear doesnt even match. If youre going to be a face book whore at least have matching shit.
He's coming over tonight...I really wish I didn't have my period right now...
I believe I'm witnessing the first time ever that you wished your period would NOT come....
its taking every last moral i have not to steal this bike
you still have morals?
Well actually itd just be too hard to ride the bike with this large rake i just stole
we left the music on while we were fucking. some kanye west song started playing and he started to cry
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
I'm laying here half naked telling him I'm eating gold fish to change the subject of hookin up cuz I don't wanna put pants on
Well watching will be involved...it'll just most likely be of me licking your penis instead of me trying to understand how Hans Solo goes up against the Galactic Empire...
there is a hole burned clean through my text book on forestry law and I saw you walking around with a blowtorch last night. Hope you have $160 on ya...
Why are you there anyways?
Pickin up ball pit balls from craigslist
I think the best part was the fact that the stripper's lock screen was a picture of the virgin mary
Go to a building you've never been before and take a shit. It's marvelous
he just ran into my room in his giant penis costume yelling "supercock to the rescue"... I am still in total shock
Sorry I told all the other bridesmaids you were an asshole. I had had a few drinks and it's how I felt at the time.
He just went to a job interview a sharpie moustache drawn on his face..
Live it up bro, they're always so surprised to find out you use magnums, being such a tiny man and all. It's a good thing.
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