Halfway through banging her I realized that she was playing a sex playlist on her iPod...first time actually having sex to R.Kelly's "bump and grind"
he turned the pretty ricky playlist on. its about to go down.
I think we need to find a happy medium between fried food and dicks. This could end badly.
Who just wakes up in their own bed and assumes "I probably blew some guy last night"
He broke into my apartment to check his Facebook again, the beer is all gone, and there's a new high score on pac man.
I came so hard just now that I think I may have regenerated.
He returned my car yesterday. Found a duffel bag with beef jerky, condoms, and a handgun this morning. Slightly concerned
They invited me day drinking but brought their kids. 3 two year olds and 1 11 month old. I was asked to change a diaper, I laughed and took another drink of this margarita. I LIKE CHANEL AND TEQUILA NOT CHILDREN. Can we make new friends?
That guy is like a clown car of sexy. Just when I think I've seen it all, THERE'S MORE.
AND SOME IN THE TRUNK.
I thought the Bane mask would really repel dudes but instead I ended up grinding on a frat dude that whispered "bad bitch contest, you in first place" in my ear in a Batman voice
Trust me, I'm a professional lesbian.
Cooked. Eating pizza. Didn't have a napkin so I took my shirt off and I'm using it.
Wasted. And I have 5 pounds of potatoes that I'm responsible for.
You can’t homewreck what the Lord hath brought together.
I feel like you're encouraging me to commit a felony.
I feel like you're wasting time.
Randomize
