chick im bringing home just asked our cab driver if she could do a line off his turban. i think im in love - or trouble.
i knew it was time to break up with him once he pulled out the Halo foreplay costumes
Dipping doritos in ranch. Why doesn't he love me?
My goal of the day is to not shit myself. That's it. Setting the bar real low
How many layers of skin can you loose before it becomes bad?
This is a great bar, except you can't even randomly burst into song without them assuming you're drunk and cutting you off.
theres too many punctuation errors in that text to turn me on.
But seriously I don't know. I haven't seen her since I gave her back her 3 blind mice stick, and she just started hitting everybody with it.
BTW car sex works all the muscle groups. Just sayin. Legs/butt are sore as are arms, back and core.
I'm facebook/twitter stalking the guy I just slept with as he's passed out next to me. What a time to be alive...
You just gave me the title for the series of our lives. Haha. Chapter 12: the cocaine on the back of the hairbrush
Drinking from the bottle. In bed. Making dinosaur noises. Oh man.
i need some magic done to my vagina
Shia just rubbed his beard the way I do all the time and maybe he's my soul sister. This live stream is life changing.
First morning at school this semester and I threw up in a bush during my walk of shame.
Randomize
