So I fucked an Aussie broad with huge feeders last nite 2x... Before banging her she was blowin me & I thought: "SHE IS GOIN DOWN-UNDER ON ME". Laughed out loud
i know he has to tuck it when he gets excited in public and all, but now he is just starting to show off.
We woke up next to each other with a mutual look of disgust, and then he left. I knew I should have gone for the younger brother.
i woke up today to a handjob from this really fat girl that keeps calling me michael phelps
I swear, you have an app for that. "Attention: your boyfriend is pooping. Place call?"
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
my mom just emptied my water bottle filled with vodka into the turtle tank.
Im going to bed. I'm seeing 7 of everything and my world smells like gravy
Naw, the sex dungeon had to come down so we could build a nursery. Cause and effect really.
I wanted to make fun of someone saying that to an untrained ear, skrillex is blah blah blah. But it was too soon after they said it. And now I can't find it. These are real problems.
I keep shaking cocoa puffs out of my hair. Best Sunday Funday ever.
the fact that I've been his fuck buddy for a year, and I'm pregnant isn't bothering me. the fact that he didn't tell me about his girlfriend does.
If I get my period the weekend your parents are gone i'm removing my uterus.
EMERGENCY SUBJECT CHANGE. SHE DOESN'T KNOW.
my mom is feeding me weed brownies...god help us
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