I don't even remember his name...i'm just gonna save it as birthday sex
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
so, my congressman just called me to say he has office hours this week if i'm still interested in talking to him. i pray to god this is not related to Friday.
I fatbooth all their pics then decide which one is the cutest even if they gained like 400 lbs and then proceed to fuck him.
eggs and jello shots do not qualify as 'brunch'
After you vomited on the patrol car, you thanked the officer for helping you up off the ground. I don't think you realized you were being arrested.
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
By the way when you were super fucked up last night, you ate cat food and tried to tell me it was healthy for you
His hair looked like he was in a bukaki and then got a perm right after
Ever walked into a basement full of 10 guys jerking it to a live stripper? Cause I have. Always confirm the address of a house party. Always.
We tried to do sophisticated last night, but our low class kept shining through.
No, I'm not a heathen. You two are the heathens, I'm the whore.
Best neighbors ever! They found the guy ive been wanting as a booty call and got me invited to the party the guy was at and gave me alcohol so i could be tipsy when met him. im never moving.
So if my boyfriend and I hooked up with the same girl it’s not like I cheated. It’s communal.
I just googled "how to blow an uncircumcised guy" and did serious research. That's how badly I want to fuck him.
You misuse your internet privileges.
Randomize
