What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
What would you say if I got first degree burns on my nipples from drinking coffee topless?
Its not christmas eve unless I give him head. I wont take no for an answer
Good lord, they've set up every firework to be ignited by a trail of gasoline at midnight. God save us all.
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i understand why you think this is a bad idea but its happening so buckle up an get your whiskey
Quick question. What's the protocol on going back to a bar after going home with one of their bartenders?
Go back and try to find another to go home with.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
The best part about passing out on the floor was the fact that when I pissed myself, I didn't piss the bed again.
there's still three solo cups of your puke in my basement. so that needs to be solved at some point.
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this night just went from meh to biblical thanks to drunk naked yahtzee
Fucking holidays. How do I have this many men who want to fuck me and none of them are available when I'm ready to blow my top?
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
Decided to stop by the store on my walk of shame. I must really look like shit, a six year old girl just walked up to me and said "my mommy wanted me to tell you Jesus loves you." Thanks kid.
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
the hot lifeguard just pulled a McDonald's cheeseburger out of her fanny pack.
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