____ banged a stripper...well technically she's now a hooker...
I want my own midget army. I think I would be a good midget army leader.
soooo.. i guess the cop said he'd drop the charges if i go to some AA meetings and i said fuck AA. not one of my better choices.
just taught 3 girls from korea how to fist pump on chat roulette.
Sorry you had to see that, but on the bright side...at least I trust you enough to have sex in front of you
Using a Nedi Pot after doing lines... at least I'm a health conscious drug user?
Home safe. Psyche shattered. Still rolling. In love with the morrocan rug in the living room.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I thought he was being really sweet and protective when he pulled me away from the guy i was hooking up with, but turns out he just wanted me to get chicken nuggets with him...
I have chafed skin from the handy she gave me. I told her that and she said return the favor when it heals. I'm in love.
Oh okay. That's fine. I'll buy us both dinner when you bail me out
It's a post jail date
I didn't see her "bad karma" tattoo until after I was balls deep
Guy running next to me at the gym is judging me. I think he can smell the whiskey leaking out of my pores.
Fuck it, i havent messed around in half a year. I have sexual tension with a fire hydrant.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
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