All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
I just told my doc I would like to talk about my drinking problem, but that it would probably get in the way of my weekend plans.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
He's the equivalent of a body pillow and a dildo. But still funny. We have good pillow talk.
you were mass sexting so we took your phone away
I'm pretty sure last night was the first time I've seen someone drink beer-soaked paper towels. Ever.
There's a fried egg and an empty bottle of reddiwhip in the parking lot. Did you have fun last night?
My pubes were yanked out by the root when they got caught in the condom. I think it's time for a bikini wax.
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
The best part of the night was you shouting "I have to take the LSAT tomorrow" between shots of fireball.
Going to the pool bar doesn’t exactly count as “exploring”
dude it was our first time and her hair caught on fire from the candles on the nightstand
There is no way that actually happened!
the smell of burnt hair covered up the sweaty sex smell.
God does not give you boobs that amazing to not share them with your friends
Guess how much it costs to flush your pants down the toilet?
Randomize
