talk about how much treatments for your hpv hurts
I'm drunk
Is that why you're texting me
Yes
Sex has been so nonexistent lately that when I was masturbating the other day, I actually paused to yawn.
They wont let us in. Theyve some sort of no Daft Punk costume rule
If im going to fail a midterm I might as well be drunk while I do it
dont you remember the bouncer yelling at you while you were trying to piss?
no. why was the bouncer in the bathroom?
he wasn't. neither were you.
Who spent today in nothing but a vajazzle and candy thong? SORRY NOT SORRY
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
What the hell do you have that is more important than a GIANT WATER SLIDE?
Eredayimstrugglin ..Can we talk about the fact that I just typed "er" and it autocorrected to that. Fuck my life.
My dad just saw me take dirty one night stand underwear out of my purse. I'm willing to admit I have a problem
she hacked my macbook and downloaded an illegal version of the original pokemon red, completely nude in my computer chair. there were several levels of hornyness existing all at once
PS- My flight is being emergency landed bc someone smuggled cats on the plane.
He just got out of surgery, almost died from shooting him self with an arrow.
Some nights you do cocaine till 5:00 in the morning, and the next night you teach yourself how to crochet. It’s called balance.
Randomize
