final count. 18 beers. 4 shots baileys. 2 shots vodka. 1 glass champagne. vomited in the yard after losing my phone in a field for 8 hours. Possibly played tag with myself
im having a threesome with these popsicles
I'm pretty sure he told me he was sterile and I told him I was on the pill. The positive pregnancy test I'm holding in my hand right now tells me that at least one of us was lying.
On a scale of your daily life to smuggling crack into the DR, how illegal is it?
At what point in life does one make the conscious decision to incorporate capes into everyday life? Like, as a fashion statement?
I'm not sure how to answer that. Is it a general question or one you're wondering about for yourself? Because I don't think you're there yet.
I rocked my own world, he was just a prop.
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
She brought over her portable harddrive and we dueled with porn. This relationship is too beautiful to last.
Also, I found your gauge.
I found it under my pillow like a gift from the Sex Fairy.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
Hahaha more like walk of pride. You entered the lions den last night.
Got really high to see my fist college experience unfold. Too high to find my classroom but I found the McDonald's down the street
I just unmatched him. If your Thirsty Thursday only consists on the gym then I am not the woman for you ✌🏻️
You know you're drunk when you have to be picked up out of a bathtub.
Sexual Dilemma - Covid Edition: Flirting with a cute frat boy. The Cougar in me wants to go back to his frat house and fuck his cocky brains out. The adult in me doesn’t want to get Covid and have to quarantine in a frat house for 2 weeks\n
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