Whatcha textin bout Willis?
Life lesson: Don't give a drunk girl a dutch oven after having taco bell. She puked all over my pillow. Funny as hell though.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
We lost the cork forthe wine, so we used a tampon as a replacement. I never loves tampons so much
Getting wasted on top of a casino. My penis is so much higher than everyone else's right now.
He's 11. You dont draw dicks on 11 year olds, i dont care if he ate your lasagna
I had no idea a 5'8 girl could fit entirely on her knees in front of the passenger seat of a Sunfire, but I am very happy to now have that knowledge.
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
I AM HANGING OUT WITH ADORABLE DOGS SURROUNDED BY NATURE. GOD BLESS AMERICA AND ALSO BYE CIVILIZATION AND PANTS.
Are you at a park?
So a guy died and our dates revived him with CPR. Good night?
He asked me how flexible I was and all I could think about was that time I threw my back out putting in a tampon.
Btw I definitely had pizza sauce on my face, a painful hickey on my neck, and I just remember screaming SISTER WIVES because of the girl's 1997 jean skirt! Wow.
Heyyyy, naked guy in your kitchen, can i ask you a quick question about a legal situation in pb??
it’s about to be september and all i keep thinking is what if i go (another) full calendar year without having sex?
Fuck. I think I can already feel tomorrow's hangover. It's like future me cane back to warn present me about the impending doom but didn't turn the time dial back far enough.
Randomize
