Did the walk of shame past her kids. I'm younger than one of them.
Her parents hate her and she's on like major lockdown. All her friends are in jail and she has massive pit stains. Dude... It doesn't get much worse than that.
Thanks for holding onto me so I didn't fall in my pee in that parking lot. You're the best boyfriend ever.
Hiding in the clothes rack at walmart like a 4 year old. Already scared 3 people. New fav weekend activity
He told me he was 'pondering the natural wonder that is my ass'
Like, dude. I'm already fucking you, you don't need to wax poetic.
Isn't he wasted enough that he might actually mean it and not just be trying to get you to fuck him without a condom?
i think we should start charging the bum that sleeps on our porch rent..
Here's a tip. Don't party with someone that needs sexual attention. Drinking and sexual attention don't mesh well in the morning. Especially over a bowl of Cheerios.
He started screaming when he saw my dog. He thought it was a polar bear
If there was a bread and water delivery truck id make sweet hungover love with it.
CAN I WEAR ASSLESS CHAPS TO SUNDAY BRUNCH OF JUDGEMENT????
Dude I think the cat just licked the coke plate
Just so you know. And I'm telling you this because I care deeply for you. Blue raspberry poptarts taste exactly the same as the regular raspberry ones.
Anyways enough about genital fatigue...
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
Did I ever tell you what happened that night after he ran you over?
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