he wants to bone in the snuggie
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
How much cunt could a cunt bag punch if a cunt bag could punch cunt?
literally the only thing you kept saying was "i wish i had a beer keg vending machine that accepted hugs as payment" and everytime you said it you rubbed the urn her grandmother's remains were in
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
Your place is a magnet for either righteous parties or crippling alcohol dependency. Lets find out which together
I think we should bring back the casual nipple tassel
Hungover/still slightly drunk at work. Opened a bag of cheese with a box cutter. Pretty sure I need stitches.
Admit it. It's a brilliant plan with hundreds of possible repercutions.
Understatement of the year.
So I'm thinking that so long as I have this piercing, I'm going to get tested for explosives at the airport
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
That amount of times your family has seen my boobs is getting ridiculous.
I didn't even mind that he came early I just wanted to get eaten out and cuddle
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Randomize
