Midget sex pt 2 tonight
So some girl kept staring at me and giving me these weird looks. That's when I realized she could probably hear the Mulan soundtrack playing on my iPod...
Being a girl sucks.
Being a boyfriend sucks for about a week, too
The sound guy for the band told me id make a great valentines gift for his bisexual girlfriend
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
In case any of you were wondering, kyle is alive. He also intends to do the same thing tommorow night and the night after.Goodnight everyone
let's just pour the lemonade mix into the soco. cut out the middle man.
Having him as a wingman is like telling the girl you already have aids
Just found the cutest bag of coke under my bed. I'm going to get fucked up and bleach the cat vomit out of my sheets.
We're so stoned that were both cuddling on the couch and crying over Forest Gump while eating popcorn. She asked me if I'd fuck away the sadness. I think she's serious.
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
I woke up to Elf. I don't know which one of you put that in my DVD player when I passed out but I appreciate you.
She made me pour olive oil on her.
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
I think/hope James is drunk. He's standing in the front lawn loudly declaring "I AM a popsicle!" Over and over....
Randomize
