he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
either we just had an earthquake or I am really good @ masturbating
Drunk fuck. Had to tell him that the 5 second rule does not apply when your in the bathroom at the hockey game.
she works at a police station now. i think thats the definition of keeping your enemies closer.
just stole 2 cases of forties from some freshman in the woods by pretending to be a cop. that ten dollar spotlight is really turning a profit
Having a race with the dryer. Seeing who can get drunk/dry clothes faster.
the taxi driver actually pulled over to let us moon a house full of people
The beer-amid has reached five feet. Caitlyn has a taser. GTG
If it involves mee putting on a bra and discontinuing my 11 am drinking my answer is a polite fuck YOU
Getting stoned and sitting front row in a legal class.. Not my best idea
You're wearing a hospital gown and pearls. Let's reevaluate your life.
Ran out of deodorant. Febreze on a paper towel? Kicking college's ass.
He is more interested in finding his sweater than he is in having sex with me. It better be a great fucking sweater.
I got so high that I ate a protein bar while in the shower. I then proceeded to leave half the protein bar and the wrapper on the ledge in my shower. Haha oh well.
We got caught fucking on the couch while I was in my Godzilla onesie.
Randomize
