Just role played anchorman. And yes, I did take her to pleasure town.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
OH MY GOD. JESUS STRIPPER. THERE IS A JESUS STRIPPER HERE. A STRIPPER DRESSED AS JESUS.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
SARAH B AND I ARE GOING TO GO HALFSIES AND BUY YOU A CAT. IS THAT OKAY. TO KEEP YOU COMPANY DURING THUNDERSTORMS SUCH AS THIS ONE. ITS BECAUSE WE LOVE YOU.
Tonight that bitch will not be with him. You will drunkingly talk him out of this wedding. It is your duty as the one with the least amount of soul. Good luck.
Sign she's a keeper: "I would rather be late to brunch than waste a perfectly good boner."
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
You were literally hanging out the window and dancing to the remix to Ignition when we drove you home
Now I'm having a post-sex brownie. Is this the life? I think it might be
Never has jello made me angry to the point of drinking. But here I am.
So is it weird that I am super excited for my new captain america clit ring... Or is my crotch getting too patriotic
He was semi blacked out in the hallway with a bucket, calling for me while I had sex with his best friend in the very next room. Why do you let me do these things?
If I didn't have booty calls, my apartment would never get clean
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