you were so drunk you tried to use the microwave as a calculator for your BAC
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
I have to collect my sorority sisters from greek row... I hate how being dd is a night and morning job
He choked me out. i woke up to poo. I dont think i like S&M
It's happening again. I feel like I'm under water and my heart beat matches "Teenage Wasteland"
I'm seriously gonna die surrounded by a million cats and an unbroken hymen
Apparently having him hold an open book in front of me while i'm blowing him doesn't count as studying...
Well, as a member of the greater american southwest gay community I just have to mark this as a total loss and you will be missed.
I forgot that I thought it would be a good idea to hairspray my toilet seat last night after I took 12 shots of vodka so when I just went to pee, I stuck to the toilet. Never drinking again.
We found you facedown on his couch in a pile of cheerios, with only one shoe on. Dude you said you were staying in last night.
(440): please tell me you didn't have sex in my dress.. IT'S A VIRGIN DRESS.
I'd just like to take a moment now to apologize sincerely for getting drunk and making an as of myself at your Christmas party next week. I'm especially sorry for sleeping with your baby sister.
While she was pissing on the neighbors shrubs, they threatened to call the cops...she mumbled 'don't threaten me with a good time", so to answer your question, yes she was drunk.
sometimes i forget what nice tits i have and then i spend a month brushing my teeth naked in the front of the bathroom mirror, and i remember.
Yeah. Of all the things to be cock blocked by a plague is the most unexpected.
Randomize
