Did you know Kal Penn works at the white house? That's almost white castle.
grad school is all the worst parts of undergrad, without the binge drinking and bad decisions to make up for it
she reminds me of the kind of girl who'd fuck in church if you asked. I can dig it.
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
So, your mugshot picture is behind the counter at B-Dubs, with the caption: "not allowed on premesis."
I just invented spray cheese vodka. tastes real nasty but does the trick.
I knew full well that at some point during the night my penis would be out with this costume choice
Well shit, I would've slept with him if I knew he was gonna be in the draft.
Why do I have a wristband from the birthing center at the University of Maryland hospital....
No. I'm sorry but once your "would go gay for" list exceeds five people, you're bi. Get over it.
I've officially slept through a hurricane, a tornado and had sex during an earthquake. I'm surviving.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
I can't be a daydrinker without you. It just doesn't work.
I love you too.
I am certain that you would be a mere freckle on the behemoth of slutty that has taken place at this complex.
I guess I’m only into threesomes at Halloween, because I just woke up next to “Marilyn Monroe” and “Joe DiMaggio” in their condo
Randomize
