he started yelling "this is my pussy" mid thrust
You tried to convince our cab driver that your $2 bill was worth $11.70
On the airplane today the pilot actually said "Ladies and gentlemen I'm sorry for the delay. But I know all of you have problems, and so do we..."
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made out with two different species that night
Showed up physical therapy hammered. The therapist just says this isnt part of the program.
So you're mad that you saw a penis at a swinger's party? That's rational
4 days in college, 3 frat parties. I haven't been this drunk since the unspeakable Jäger bomb incident in Sweden.
How is it??
I'm drinking Gatorade out of a champagne flute.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
she's a drunken disney princess. so basically me if i had a crown and no desire for independence.
I'm gonna cum garlic butter
When he pulled out it sounded like a balloon deflating
You took the glass microwave plate and said it was the closest thing to a frisbee, let me know how that works out for you
I'm just trying to figure out the reason why humans wear socks....
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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