Food network will be on but we won't be watching
O by "watching" I mean "background noise"
Cut to me doing the walk of shame to work from a hotel.
And, I saw Emily's panties. How? She doesn't sit like a lady.
I have a pussy blister if you wanna poke at it with a needle tomorrow...by this text i realize just how strange our relationship is, especially because you're probably excited
I think you mean your blister is filled with pus...atleast i hope
Please talk me out of ordering the stripper pole for a dollar. Please.
I cannot take someone's straight and gay virginity in one threesome. It's just too much responsibility.
I'm unshowered, and since I've seen this episode of say yes to the dress, I've decided to go to the store and get a frozen pizza at 10:20 am. I'm crushing life.
he said good things come in small packages and I decided to hook up with someone else
Yeah, first time I've shit my pants in my twenties... I'm thinking about putting it on my Facebook timeline
Dont worry bro, i'll be the designated kayaker. I wouldnt want u to be drinking and kayaking.
That's what my new years consisted of. Consoling heartbroken girls and having people throw up in my hands.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Why am I not blowing coke off your ass at my apartment?
I also just stashed a half dozen bobby pins in my bra.... So when you take it off later, consider yourself warned
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
Randomize
