I'm giving you permission to use the abortion money to pay for your DUI.
once the "do it" chant starts, any shot at an even remotely dignified party experience is dead.
i felt obligated to tell him happy birthday since we trashed his house and i fucked his friend in his basement
organizing the empties. That sober.
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he ran me a hot bath. i thought i was in a pot and was going to be eaten. i was strangely ok with this
I love how kegs are figured into our monthly bills
i didn't realize we were even dating until i ran out of weed
Just got a blowjob in her closet with two people sleeping outside in the room. I feel like the emperor of college.
Just found out they make medicinal lollipops, bought like 40 of them. Gonna go fill a pediatricians lollipop bowl.
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WHO INVENTED HANGOVERS WHERE ARE MY CLOTHES
Just paid off my possession ticket on 4/20. Helloooo awesome.
You came into my room and started rubbing a banana on your face.
I just want to give face wipes a shout out for being there when im too tired or high to wash my face at night
Mmm. Champagne. Weed. 17 pounds of animal crackers.
i dunno, a lot of my childhood feels like a drugged up fever dream
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