I'm drinking till I'm someone else's problem
how much do you want to bet that her wedding invites will be vera bradley themed? loser has to frame theirs.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
I cannot stress to you how much better your current situation is than listening to gay sex
now there's a facebook group for all the people whose lives i've ruined
Just in case you were wondering..... I really did just wave goodbye to you with my penis.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
There are people taking shots out of a turtle shell.
There should be a rule.......that if you have a small penis you must wear a hat with propellers on it so you can fly the hell off the planet.
so he had an ashton kutcher Kelso haircurt. dude, we're in our mid to late 20s, I don't think we can ridicule guys for having hair anymore.
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
All I want is a wedding with a dress and a veil and where I can go and my cat can go.
I'm sober now, I ate a whole cantaloupe.
I'm going to tell you a beautiful word.
Fellatio.
Your heart isn't making stupid decisions... your penis is outsmarting your brain. Stop fucking her!
Randomize
