We just took turns doing keg stands. 27 is way too old for this. Out of 5 of us, our best time was 9 seconds.
I think winning the long island race means you lose at life
He raised his arm and dropped it in his sleep to smack himself awake. He knows his phone has an alarm clock right?
Why are you surprised? I've only ever liked older guys since I was a 3 yr old crushing on her pediatrician.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
I've been up for almost three hours and it took me until JUST NOW to figure out that what I'm tasting isn't blood, just the minerals in the water. Fuck hangovers, man.
the only good thing about going home with him was that he was prettier than me.
Had a grope session with a girl who looked like my Mom and had the same name as her as well. I think therapy is in order.
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
Last night all you did was whine about how you needed something new and exciting
Is THAT why I woke up with dreadlocks?
So I have to send you an email about my weekend, heretofore referred to as The Perfect Weekend. Wherein I have lots of awesome sex with a guy with THE MOST AMAZING BODY.
I look forward to this email. I will respond with, Condoms and Creepers: The Adventures of Online Dating.
I stood in my living room with two beers in my hand asking these said beers if they were going to drink each other. I then insisted that I would drink them and chugged both. Happy Halloween.
We got drunk, we had raw sex and we discussed about the showrunner change in Doctor Who, in that order.
Dude I got in an Uber this morning and he goes “I drove you last night”\n“You got your dick sucked in the back seat”
I'm floating on a rainbow and a purple elf is giving me advice. COME NOW!!!
Randomize
